Could Jesus’ Parables Be Published?

Would his stories pass editorial muster?

Dear Mr. Jesus Christ,

I want to thank you for submitting your story, The Good Samaritan, for publication in our journal, but I am sorry to say your piece is not for us.

We are looking for stories with great character development, but the main focus in yours is “A certain man.”

Mr. Christ, we know nothing of this ‘certain man’. We do not know his name, his age or his hair color. Was he bald or did he have long hair? Did he have a family, or a job? We don’t know why he was walking down that apparently dangerous road. Mr. Christ with such a lack of back story that man could represent anybody including people who are social outcasts. What kind of person recommends caring for social outcasts who are not even wise enough to care for themselves? It is a rather ridiculous premise.

What if he was a former prisoner who was just going to Jericho to beg for food? After all, no one would hire him. Well, obviously, he would be getting what he deserved. He obviously would have made his bed and needed to lie in it. What if he was some kind of eccentric whose way of life was outside the norm? Maybe like some pink-haired weirdo who attracted the element that robs people. Certainly, no one should be caring for those kinds of individuals. Our world does not work with these outlandish young people who think they can live outside the parameters society sets up for them. They end up like this “certain man” and society sure does not need to encourage them any further.

They say you are some kind of religious figure, well I know plenty of religious communities, parishes and churches that certainly would never welcome such a fool as the certain man within their congregations. They also don’t look too kindly on these do-gooders, they call them, who help out such fools. They lock churches today so that people such as your ‘good Samaritan’ or your ‘certain man’ do not think they can just saunter into a community completely unvetted.

This reminds me, Mr. Christ. You do not even indicate what the robbers gained by their action. Did the man lose lots of money or just a little? Was he beaten up because he had no money? Was he a criminal or a social outcast? Honestly, I could write this list forever, you really did a poor job in telling us who the man was and why he was walking on the road to Jericho. I am surprised I ended up reading the whole thing, I have a list of plenty of writers and authors who understand how to write a story that is effective and you will certainly not be making my list any time soon.

What makes it more disturbing is that your flat characters of the Levite and the priest give us more detail, albeit extremely little, than we know of this certain man. How would you expect any editor to even consider reading such a poorly written account? Obviously, your two mobile characters know a fool when they see one and choose not to help someone who has such a lack of common sense. He certainly appears to have gotten what he deserved — getting stepped over for having made such a stupid decision. This is what happens to such unfortunates and the Levite and priest obviously knew the way the world indeed works.

Finally, you pick this Samaritan. Do you know that Samaritans were considered social outcasts? Now, why would a social outcast even care about this certain man who was beset by robbers? What motivation would he have for giving first aid to someone who was so aloof to the ways of the world and dangers lurking in certain places? I personally would also have stepped over such a poor soul, too. I have no time for people who do not think through their decisions.

Now, despite that, you expect us to believe that he actually took him to a local inn and paid for his recovery? Why would he do this? I just could not get any idea from your story?

This story fails us, Mr. Christ. I am sorry, but I do not see how your work will ever be published anywhere. It is destined for the obscure scrap heap like so many other poorly written stories.

I am sure you are just beginning your writing career, so I will not lambast you further. Please do not send us another story for at least another ten years. I am sure your writing will be more mature by them. I hope you have another job, as you could not possibly survive well on your writing if this is your best example.

Meanwhile, may I add that your “The Good Samaritan” story will never be read by a wide population and you will never benefit from such poor writing. I suggest you tear it up and start all over again. If you are using your writing to preach your message, you will certainly fail. May I invite you to go to a university where they will teach you how to write a story that will be read by many? That will help you to make it as a writer, I do not see this preaching thing that you do with your writing will garner any success either.

Maybe you should give up your writing and preaching dream and do something more conventional, then you can resurrect your career at a later date.

Sincerely yours,

Mortimer M. Wormwood, Editor

Photo: The Good Samaritan, Balthasar van Cortbemde [Public domain]